Lose Weight; Your Prose Will Fit Better
By Madonna Dries Christensen
Do you have difficulty staying within an editor’s word count? Your manuscript might be overweight with unneeded words and phrases. Try these methods to pare your writing.
Contractions: Most people speak using contractions. In dialogue, a character probably wouldn’t say, “I do not want to walk the dog while it is raining outside.” He would say, “I’m not walking the dog in this rain.” That’s eight words instead of thirteen and the voice is natural.
Attribution: When two characters speak, “he/she said” is not needed after each line of dialogue. Action can often indicate who’s speaking. When attribution is needed, don’t complicate it with adverbs. Make dialogue and action strong enough so readers don’t have to be told something was said merrily, gratefully, scornfully. Remove adverbs and your word count drops.
Redundancies: “The reason why,” is redundant. Choose either: “Here’s the reason I did that,” or, “Here’s why I did that.” Beware of: free gift, for free, tiny little, pair of twins, two twin beds, burst open, past history, personal belongings, gathered together, forever and ever, very first, first ever, empty out, unexpected surprise, commuting back and forth, continuing on, true facts, blend together, follow behind, thought to myself, crept slowly, brief moment, tiptoed silently, nodded his head, shrugged his shoulders, ran quickly, rose to her feet, crouched down, sat down, fall down, rise above, add on, filled to capacity, later on, early on, entered into, mental telepathy, end result, advance reservations, revert back, completely positive, my own personal opinion, general consensus, shared together, both agreed, exact same, dropped down, passed by, final decision, kneel down, squat down, ATM machine, PIN number, HIV virus, IRA account, and that pesky “up” family: rose up, pile up, finish up, fill up, clean up, conjure up, wrap up, cover up, wake up, open up, close up, zip up, button up, beat up, fix up, call up on the phone, and lock up the house. Just lock the house and leave. And watch the pair syndrome: a pair of tweezers, glasses, scissors, pants, jeans, trousers, shorts. Is your character really wearing two jeans, two glasses, and using two scissors?
Disposable Words (very, just, so, such, some, however, that, really, kind of, sort of, somewhat, a bit, a little, sure, actually, basically ….) “It’s a very unique house.” Perhaps, but unique means one of a kind, or nearly one of a kind. “Very” contributes nothing to the description and adds a word. Likewise: very overwhelming, very ancient, very elegant. Examples:
I just love ice cream. I love ice cream.
I told her that I would be there at ten. I told her I'd be there at ten.
Ed has some problems doing math. Ed has problems doing math.
He’s such a wonderful grandfather. He’s a wonderful grandfather.
Her red hair is so stunning. Her red hair is stunning.
He sure appreciates your support. He appreciates your support.
Was: When possible, avoid using "was." Water was running from under the sink. Water poured from under the sink. Dad was lighting the grill. Dad lit the grill.
Only: Put the word only in its proper place. It doesn't save words but the meaning is clearer.
Incorrect: I only have ten minutes for lunch.
Correct: I have only ten minutes for lunch.
Incorrect: He only had an eighth grade education.
Correct: He had only an eighth grade education.
All right: Don't skimp to save words. All right is two words, not alright. Everyday is correct if you mean ordinary, but use two words, every day, when you mean each day.
Would and Could : Many writers overuse “would,” especially when writing reminiscences. “On the day before Christmas, my grandfather would walk into the woods and he would cut down a pine tree.” Instead: “On Christmas eve, Grandfather walked into the woods to cut a pine tree.” That’s fewer words; it’s active instead of passive, and readers are not distanced from Grandfather’s action by what he “would” do. Using “Grandfather” instead of “my grandfather” eliminates one word each time you refer to him. Also, it’s unnecessary to begin reminiscences with “I can still remember.” If you didn’t remember, you wouldn’t be writing the story. And, rather than: She could hear the wind howling, She heard the wind howling.
Be Active: The active voice is not only preferred, it eliminates words. Passive: The ball was hit over the fence by Hank. Active: Hank hit the ball over the fence. Passive: John was dressed in a pair of jeans that were faded almost white and a red shirt that had patches on the elbows. Active: John wore faded jeans and a red shirt, patched at the elbows. Passive: The smell of the bacon was wonderful. Active: Bacon sizzling and popping on the stove made me ravenous. Passive: There was a silence between them that was uncomfortable for Jane. Active: Jane struggled with the silence between them.
Be Specific: “It was quite a long way to John’s cabin,” leaves readers stranded. How far is quite a long way? “It was forty miles to John’s cabin,” eliminates only two words but readers know the distance. She sat on the bed a long time. How long is that? Five minutes, an hour, a month?
Eliminate Clichés: “A shock of blond hair” or “salt and pepper hair” might have been imaginative when they were coined eons ago, but now they’re ho-hum. The same goes for: He turned on his heel, pool of blood, a shot rang out, at the end of the day, push the envelope, make a difference, and give back. You don’t always lose words by dropping clichés, but if you write something original, readers will notice and think you’re clever.
Detail and Description: Setting a scene is important, but readers glide over too much detail. Judy awoke, threw off the old patchwork quilt that her grandmother gave her, stumbled out of bed, showered, dried her auburn hair, dressed in Guess jeans, a yellow Gap sweater and white Nike sneakers, went downstairs, made cinnamon toast and strong coffee, and sat down at the table to eat breakfast. Whew. Simply put Judy at the table and go from there.
In Stephen King’s book, On Writing, he says description begins in the writer’s imagination, but should finish in the reader’s. “If I tell you Carrie White is a high school outcast with a bad complexion and a fashion-victim wardrobe, I think you can do the rest, can’t you? We all remember one or more high school losers. If I describe mine, it freezes out yours.”
William Strunk (The Elements of Style) advised, “Omit needless words.”
Writer Elmore Leonard said, “I try to cut everything I think readers would skip.”
Author Abigail Thomas says, "Half of writing is deciding what to leave out."
Self-editing is challenging, and fun. A lean manuscript has a better chance of acceptance than one plump with clutter. Losing weight can reduce your postage bill, too. A penny saved is a penny earned.
Wait, delete that cliche, and cut seven words.